Have I ever told you?

You know how we all have those crazy events in life that culminate into great stories? I love hearing people’s funny happenings and can just imagine how their lives have been shaped by these events.

Yet, when I tell my stories I think…if this has really been the path to who I’ve become, man…that’s WEIRD. I must be weird.

So have I ever told you about the time….

When I was in highschool we had lockers that didn’t actually lock. Everyone shared lockers and would put their books in a friend’s locker near their classrooms so we didn’t have to tote heavy texts all over the campus. Well…this also meant our lockers were unsecured.

I was in class when the principal’s assistant came to my room and told my teacher I needed to leave class. I was told to collect my bags and books, and I was whisked off to the principal’s office.

I was a good kid you see. I didn’t get called to the principal’s office. I was waiting in a chair looking very calm, maybe I would be winning best student award. Maybe he’s going to ask me to represent my class for something. I was a good student. Perhaps a bit of a dork…sigh.

When I was finally asked to enter his office, I was greeted by about 10 grown men. Ummmm?

Some guy: “Have a seat Alex.”

My heart rate immediately sky-rocketed. Who are these people? Why are there cops in here?

Some guy: “Alex, I’m agent *****, I work for the Georgia Bureau of Investigation.”

The GBI? Gulp.

GBI dude: “Alex, you were assigned locker #1234, correct?”

Me: “Um, I guess so. I don’t really know the number, I just know where it is.”

GBI dude: “Well, I’m telling you that’s the locker we have on record for you.”

Me: “Okay.”

GBI dude: “Are you familiar with the contents of your locker?”

Me: “Well, I keep my Psychology book in that locker, and my lunch. And my friend Angie puts her American History book in there. And Paige keeps her lunch in my locker. And….”

GBI dude: “I don’t mean to interrupt. I don’t mean lunches and books. Are you aware of what we found in your locker today?”

Me: “No…”

Oh crap, what the heck did they find? Did someone put a dirty picture in there to be funny? Oh gosh, I bet someone left me a note in there. I’m going to get in trouble for passing notes in class. Oh gosh.

GBI dude: “Alex, another student reported seeing a bomb-like device in your locker.”

Say huh?

Me: “Okay?”

GBI dude: “Do you know anything about the bomb? It had a note on it that said -Touch and die, Wild Willy-. Who’s Willy?”

Me: “I have no idea. I haven’t seen a bomb in my locker.”

GBI dude: “Well, Alex, you’re not dealing with your school now, you are dealing with the GBI and the FBI. So I suggest you think really quickly about who Willy is.”

Me: “Can I call my dad?”

To make a very long story short… I had NO idea why there was a bomb in my locker. Nor did I know who Willy could be. I sweated so bad that I left sweat marks on the chair, when I stood up and tried to be all cool about wiping it off with my bare hand. It was gross, but I was already humiliated…

I thought I was going to get an award!!!!

After 3 hours or so, another student finally turned himself in. I didn’t even know the guy, he was a senior and I was a sophomore. He just picked an end locker to throw his science fair project in as a joke…he had constructed a real bomb from a 2 liter bottle, but instead of C4 he used dough to replicate C4. So it wouldn’t explode, but it was a real replica.

All I cared about was the fact that I was free…

I asked to use the office phone and was told that I could not use the phone, students have to use pay phones. I was SHAKING. I had missed my bus. I was freaking out.

I called my dad collect because I couldn’t find a quarter. I cried that I missed the bus, he was MAD for a second. Then I went on to explain what had happened, all he could say was, “You had a BOMB in your locker???? You were interviewed by GBI agents and I wasn’t there? WHAT?”

He was at my school in what felt like seconds. The scene that developed from there was, well, let’s just say that the sweat marks that I left in the chair were nothing compared to the marks that I am sure were in the principal’s chair. 

I received a personal phone call from the sheriff in our small town to say he was sorry for how I was interrogated, a written apology from the school system, an article was written in our local newspaper, they assumed Alex was a guy and kept saying “his locker” which annoyed me, but that article sort of made me famous. And the poor guy who put the bomb in my locker got in big, big trouble.

And I….I ended up having the most random story in the history of highschool stories.

Children, I would NOT recommend making bombs for school projects. It’s a very, very bad idea.

Ah, I feel like we’re so much closer now. You’re all really my friends now that you know this about me. My life is random, I have the strangest things happen to me for some reason…but seriously I’m totally normal.

No, really.

I am.




This entry was published on August 4, 2010 at 9:33 am and is filed under Squawkings. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Have I ever told you?

  1. That is bizarre, really, really bizarre! However, I howled when you said, “I thought I was getting an award.” Atta Girl!

    In all seriousness though, the way public school has become, we taught our boys this mantra: “I have nothing to say; I would like to call my parents. I have nothing to say, I would like to call my parents…”
    Luckily we’ve never had to use it.
    Boy – you were brave. i’m so glad you dad showed up and nailed ’em

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