Marital Bliss

Yet another story of marital bliss…

Are any of you married to a hunter? Well…I am.

You may recall that I have these on my wall:

The ONLY redeeming quality I can find for having these on my wall… kids love to pet them. Other than that, I actually shed tears over the thought of having them hanging in my living room. I thought they would just ruin the feel of my home, make all of my pretty furniture pointless because there would be a deer head hanging over it.

Let’s just say – I got over myself and there they are. It’s the only thing my husband fought to keep from his bachelor days. He didn’t beg to keep that orange and brown comforter from 1976, or the love seat that was ripped on both side, but had a hide-away bed that he swore was more comfortable than a bed. He didn’t insist that we hang the wood carving his friend made for him that was in the shape of a deer in the woods. Nor did he insist that we display his gun collection in plain sight. So maybe I should be grateful that all I have to deal with is 2 deer heads.

***If you are squeamish, do not scroll down any further ***

And then….

And then…. this happened.

My husband killed a bear.

People, help me! HELP.

I am riddled with anxiety every time I even think of having that thing in my home. My dogs will bite it and bark at it. I suspect a certain little weenie dog may even pee-pee on it.

“Won’t it be a purdy rug in front of the fireplace?” Excuse me for swearing, but HELL NO it won’t be pretty. It’s gonna look like road-kill on my floor!

Oh my my my… What in the world can I institute in my home that would be gaggingly girly? Maybe paint the den pink? Or get a lavender rug under the sofa? I don’t know, but I’m devising my come-back plan. Any ideas you have, please share them in the comments!

Meanwhile, I will be busy fretting about the arrival of a dead bear carcass in my home…


This entry was published on October 21, 2010 at 12:48 pm and is filed under Squawkings. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

18 thoughts on “Marital Bliss

  1. Do you have an extra room in your house that could be his “man-cave” where he can keep all of his trophies? That way you could close the door to protect the bear rug from Nigel…or at least that’s what you can tell your hubby! 😉

  2. My Dad was an avid hunter, still is, so I grew up in a house with a “bear rug” however, we could never play on it while he was home. Good luck, my Mom finally convinced Dad to get rid of it 23 years later.

  3. MommytoThree on said:

    I have deer heads, ducks and fish…. but, fortunately, no bear! I agree about the mancave…. my brother has a “trophy room” that is fabulous for displaying all of his “treasures” and his wife doesn’t have to see them all the time. Oh and she claims it “protects his things from the dogs”…. 🙂

    Behold the Felicity chandelier! It was the pinkest, drippiest chandelier I could find on short notice. It will look swell in your living room, and will cast the perfect girlie shadow on your new bearskin rug. If he stuffs it instead, I’d buy it a pink dress at a thrift shop. PS – If it were me, I’d also buy a pair of pink frilly bras to hang under those dear heads (to show off their racks, of course). And maybe tie little pink ribbons on the antlers. Can you put lipstick on a dear head? -Jeanne

  5. susan currie on said:

    i’ve been telling you, FINISH THE BASEMENT….it could be all his and his alone….then you would not have to look at dead animals unless you ventured downstairs!!!

  6. My dad and brother were hunters and trappers when I was growing up. My brother even became a taxidermist and had his “shop” in our basement. There were all sorts of creepy things down there. He had to practice a lot so his paid pieces looked right. So, all the of practice pieces were displayed in our home – like any parent would with their child’s art work – except this couldn’t be stuck on the fridge with a magnet. Now all the stuff is in my dad’s office at home. I don’t think my sister-in-law is all that impressed with his “artistic” talent. I don’t think my mom can bear to throw it out because she knows how hard he worked on all of it and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

    Once you get over the creepy aspect of it, I have to admit he did have talent. He would have critters – I think there was a mink with a dead mouse in its jaw and he would have it on a platform with shrubs and bushes and stuff… and then there are all the fish that keep their eyes on you as you cross the room!!!

    I’m with Susan, finish the basement!!!

  7. By the way, I sent you an e-mail that I titled in what I have now decided is a “spamalicious” way…..something like….”this made me think of you”….sorry….but check out your spam and read it.

  8. I had a girlfriend who’s husband hunted and he kept bringing “just one more” thing that “had to go up on the wall” of their house. Pretty soon it started to look like a wildlife museum and there was nothing she could do. It was a constant battle between them. She just never could get the house to look the way she always wanted it to look and he could never get enough trophy’s on the walls. I think they are divorced now! Not just this issue of course, but I say if there is a room that can become his man cave, give it over to him, let them all go live in there. It will bring much peace to the house!!! And you won’t have to look at them all the time ; ) Hunters-gotta love them!!! ; ))

  9. I would have the bear stuffed in a standing position. When Chistmas rolls around I would decorate it with lights and ornaments. The bear would be in the front window for all of the neighbors to enjoy.

  10. please disregard my hubby’s comment…he knows not what he speaks…..he is just trying to stir the pudding…he would not be allowed to hang dead animals within my view in MY house

  11. I know exactly what you mean. Fortunately my husband hunts ducks, not deer. When we lived in 1,200 sq. ft. house I allowed the duck in the spare bedroom but now it’s downstairs in his room. You should definitely look into a man cave…it seems he’s not giving up his hobby anytime soon…it could get ugly. 🙂

  12. Oh, yeah, he definitely needs a man room. Build him one.

  13. I love the name of your blog! I had to check it out. Funny, funny!

  14. lamaschida on said:

    Just seeing pictures makes me want to cry!! I couldn’t fathom having that in my living space. Maybe have him watch a ton of nature documentaries that show what sentient beings they are would help stop the killing all together. Maybe you could put up a poster of Bambi or a mother bear with her cubs to balance it out? Or take a (small) picture of his kills and let him hang that somewhere. Good luck! I woulda buried all of them, including the guns in the yard 😉

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